When big change isn’t financially possible…yet. A letter from beyond. (Jarlath's Story)
Dear Lucia,
As I stare out my window on a dribbling, drizzling, damp English day, I acknowledge it's been about a year since we worked together.
If someone were to stand outside these glass panes, peering into my life, he could be fooled into imagining that change has passed me by.
But he’d be wrong.
Entirely wrong.
Career change for midlife professionals whose outgoings equal their income often appears slower - to the outsider. Often they need to remain in the less-than-perfect work while they gain the new skills, insights and create opportunities to make bigger change. As Jarlath says “kids are expensive!”.
The “Glamour”…. and those expensive kids.
I'm still the guy that others perceived as "lucky" - the chap who's always travelled for work.
The guy who gets to see multiple countries, in multiple time zones - in less than week.
The guy who stopped talking about the pain of his work a long time ago because, to others it always sounds “fascinating”, “fun”, even “glamorous”. Believe me, it’s none of those.
I over-heard someone once say they'd give their eye teeth to do my job.
Well, I'd give my eye teeth to be able to do work that played to my strengths and passions - not the work I’ve been doing for the last 22 years.
I'd give my left kidney to do work that didn't leave me feeling exhausted and burnt out.
But kids, they're so expensive, aren't they?
I'm the main breadwinner in our family and my “glamorous” work has made it very difficult for my wife to have her own career.
So no!
No big career change. Not yet. You weren't wrong when you said it might take time, given my personal situation!
It’s a story I often hear from professionals in their 40s, 50s or 60s who want more joy-at-work. Others perceive you to be “lucky” to have such a “great” job. Or to be very “successful”. The opinions of others are not helpful, if your current work is joyless - or not joyful enough…for you.
A huge change…to me.
But, the change journey I started with you a year ago, in my not-frequent-enough spare moments, is gathering pace.
And what I've done might seem tiny or inconsequential - to a stranger.
But to me… it's made a huge difference in my life.
If you were to physically climb into my life through the window next to me, the first thing you'd notice is that my work is a smaller portion of my life than it used to be.
I simply never believed that this could be possible!
My work appeared to own me.
It consumed almost everything I had to offer the world.
But no more!
Two things have made this possible:
the tools, resources and insights I’ve gained while working with you in our one-to-one sessions, and;
the support and confidence I gained from the group training sessions in the Fierce Emporium - it was so encouraging to know that I was not alone. And in fact that the problems I’ve been experiencing for years are the same problems that other professionals from all over the globe are also experiencing. There was so much power (and relief!) in discovering that.
Every career change story is a journey - not a Cinderella transformation. If our finances are not as free as we’d like, we must remain in the same field, same industry or even same job, while creating some light at the end of the tunnel. And by developing skills so that when the opportunity to change comes, we’re already moving and so we’re not starting from scratch.
The giant shift that has created momentum and change.
I can barely believe it myself but, in my mind, I've been able to reposition my work as a background vessel that allows me to explore other parts of life. And it's those parts that may just lead to something new.
I proactively control the bits of work that I can control.
While at the same time making myself stronger with well-being exercises to counteract the sleepless nights, the stress and the unhealthy diet - while I'm working away.
And I've become braver!
You might not believe it but I’ve submitted two paintings, into the big bad world to be judged in an art competition. They were judged kindly - which was bonus - and that’s motivating me to keep going.
In working with you, the new skill I have taken with me into life is the gift of experimentation. It’s changing my life.
I've said "Yes" to all sorts of weird and wonderful things.
I've done stand-up comedy classes - they weren't as scary as you might think!
I've signed up to writing course, singing lessons and Portuguese language classes.
So even though, beyond these panes of glass, it might seem to the un-knowning, un-Fierce eye that nothing's changed - I think you'll agree that things are certainly on-the-move.
Thank you.
Watch this space…
Jarlath
If you liked this case study, you might also like these:
An early-retirement attempt prompts a re-think. A novel idea emerges. (Dana’s story)
Designing a new career in a new country, at the same time. (Pete’s story)
I don’t know what I want, but I don’t want this! (Saoirse’s story)
Articles that relate to this story…
How experiments gave my midlife career the kiss of life.
How to tell if you’re in the wrong career - examples of fight, flight, freeze behaviours.
How to choose the right career consultant for you - even if you’re not ready for one yet.
